Why we're afraid to choose what matters

From me

Because our time, mental, and physical resources are finite, life is a series of opportunity costThe lifetime value of the next best alternative forgone when expending life resources to improve or implement misconcepts.Full definition (opens in a new tab)→ decisions on how best to use these resources. Our modern temptation to have multiple "priorities" is a comforting illusion we use to shield ourselves from this inescapable reality, ignoring the fact that we can't have it all.

But the irony of trying to make everything a priority is that we make nothing a priority. The reason we resist choosing is fear. If we admit what actually matters most to us, it might look different to what everyone expects, and that opens us up to judgement. There are billions of people on this planet, which means billions of opinions about how we should live. Someone will always think we've got it wrong.

A good life isn't about doing everything perfectly. It is about deciding, deliberately, despite wanting it all and despite fear of judgement, what matters most to us, and using what little time, mental resourceThe ability to creatively conjecture, rationally criticise, and focus.Full definition (opens in a new tab)→ and physical resourceThe function of our biological machinery.Full definition (opens in a new tab)→ we have left to go after it.

That decision, repeated for the rest of our life, is how we get the highest return from our finite life resourcesThe finite resources we expend to improve or implement misconcepts.Full definition (opens in a new tab)→.

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From others

Author Oliver Burkeman on accepting the finitude of our lives:

"The core challenge of managing our limited time isn’t about how to get everything done — that’s never going to happen — but how to decide most wisely what not to do, and how to feel at peace about not doing it."

Source: Four Thousand Weeks (2021)

Investor Ray Dalio on the limits of wanting it all:

"While you can have virtually anything you want, you can't have everything you want."

Source: Principles: Life and Work (2017)

For you

What are you calling a priority because you think it's supposed to be?

P.S. Your brain sits in a dark box (your skull) and never interacts with the world directly. What you experience as the world is a construction, built by your brain from the misconcepts it uses to interpret the nerve impulses it receives.